Different relationships have different circumstances, that’s a given. But there are some types of ultimatums that are simply unfair for your partner to give you, and are, in fact, signs of manipulative behaviour to gain power.

If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of an ultimatum where your partner insists that you would agree to their request if you truly loved them, it’s important to understand that this is an example of manipulation. Whether it’s a request for a proposal or to move in together, it is unfair to push such a monumental decision upon somebody else.

Sometimes love isn’t enough, and there are other factors that can affect decisions, like financial problems. Callisto Adams, relationship expert for dating advice platform HeTexted, has given insight into ultimatums based on real-life experiences and has found that ultimatums centred around marriage tend to have the worst outcomes. It creates a sense of emergency and can lead to further problems generated by feelings of powerlessness and insignificance.

Being told to choose between your partner or a friend, or even a family member, is not only going to be ineffective, but it’s also a very controlling ultimatum. Your partner should enrich your life; they don’t need to be the sole cause of happiness. It is a common ultimatum, and while it’s likely that problems can occur between the friends and family of a partner, these should be worked through instead of resorting to such a drastic request. If your partner tries to force you to sacrifice such an important part of your life for them, it’s a huge red flag.

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