Many singles dream of finding the right person to settle down with—but all that yearning doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for a relationship quite yet. And if you’re not, either you won’t date at all, you’ll experience a string of short-lived romances, or—worst of all—you’ll end up in a toxic relationship.

The good news is that through understanding your own needs and desires, you can become ready for the relationship you want when it does come along. So today let’s explore four ways you can discern whether you’re relationship-ready, or if you need to do a little more work on yourself first.

1) You’re willing to relinquish control

When you learn to be okay in times of uncertainty, you enable your relationship—and indeed yourself—to grow. Trying to control things too much can lead only to you prolonging something that really needs to fizzle out of its own accord. Or, perhaps worse, you end up taking a budding romance too fast, too soon, and scare your partner away before it’s really had a chance to get going. When you’re secure and trusting enough both of your partner and yourself to let go of trying to control everything, you’re ready.

2) Chaos is a turn-off

What do we mean by chaos in the context of dating and romance? It might be dating someone you know you can’t or shouldn’t be with. It might be “booty calls”. It might be a relationship with unsustainably volatile dynamics—really high highs, and really low lows. It might be when you see somebody’s distancing or playing the game as a red flag, not a challenge, and you no longer get excited when such a person then gets in touch out of the blue. In a serious relationship, we trade chaos—which is exciting at first but in time begins to grate—for stability. And once stability becomes exciting—you’re ready.

3) You’re looking for an equal—not a project

Do prospective partners offer you love, care, and support? Or do you find time and again that your love, care, and support are a one-way street? Maybe that’s because you’re not dating the right people—or perhaps it’s because you’ve put up walls. These can be tough to break down—but when you can genuinely enjoy being looked after just as much as you love looking after your partner, you’re ready.

4) You trust your gut to guide you above all else

Trusting your intuition is, in some way, the ultimate act of self-love. Because when you trust yourself to make a decision—even if you can’t articulate exactly where those instincts come from—you know you’ve created a healthy relationship with yourself. And the healthier the relationship you have with yourself—the more you understand, respect, and accept your own needs, desires, and limitations—the more you’re able to have a serious and meaningful relationship. When you’re truly comfortable in trusting your gut—you’re ready.

When you’re ready—we’re ready, too

It’s easy to rush into a relationship out of loneliness, or fear, or some sense of obligation, whether to your family, your partner, or even yourself. It takes time—and bravery—to take a step back and acknowledge that you might not be quite ready to take the leap yet after all. But when you accept that—when you’re prepared to take the time to learn what you truly desire in life and love—you’ll be all the more secure in yourself when you do get back on the dating scene—and you’ll be all the more attractive and eligible a partner too. And if you need a little extra guidance, we can help.

The Vida Consultancy is an elite, multi-award-winning international dating agency. We’re renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles, and our world-class matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. If you’re unsure of whether you’re ready for a relationship, we can get to know you and help you articulate exactly what it is you’re looking for. Get in touch today, and together let’s work out what you want, who you need—and how to know whether you’re relationship-ready.

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